BE THE QT YOU CAN BE!

Broken

Sun, 23 May 2004 21:30:48 GMT

"Broken"

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

Tue, 11 May 2004 22:56:25 GMT

SENIOR CEREMONY TONIGHT!!!! means FREE ADMISSION AND...........................FREE FOOOOOOOOD!!!!!! haha and of cours the typical senior awards and slide show...oh well WHERE'S THE FOOD!

HAHAHA...........MMMMMM FOOOD! gawd im sucha pig...oh well someones gotta love me for who i am!! lol

PEOPLE!...sigh you think you know them!

Tue, 11 May 2004 22:45:11 GMT

Well last night i totally got screwed over. yes i got 8 days left of my whole highschool career and last night i got screwed over by my best friend with my a Government notebook. i know i know it doesn't seem like a big deal to you but to ME! i need every point i can get...lol ok lets just put it at that. Well i actaully have ALL my notebook crap in order and filled out except my study guide. so i turn to my best friend JESSICA that is sitting RIGHT next to me and i ask her like a week before if we could do our notebook together and if she could help me study so i can get a good grade on the test. She agreed so i was all excited becausei never study in my life. well yesterday she asks me for my notes that she needs to copy so i told her sure and i was like thats good because we are doin our notebook together tonight anyways right? and shes like yeah. so i was like cool i will call you when i get home so we can plan when to meet or whatever. so i called her at 4 and i asked where she was and she told me she was at austins house helping him and his mom clean his moms house, and she told me that she would call me when she was done so she could come pick me up. so i was like ok sure, well matt calls me and asks me what the plans were and i tol dhim well jessica is picking me up after they get done at austins moms house and then we will be over and i will call you back when she calls me. so matt says ok and we hang up. well matt calls me at like 7:30 or so and was like THANKS for calling me back. iw as like well i would have if jessica called me but she never did. he was like oh i have ur notes in my hands right now. iw as liek WHAT! they are over there and he was like yeah they are. i got soooo pissed iw as like WOW thanks jessica WHAT A GOOOOOOOD FRIEND! so yeah i hang up with matt and then i get a phone call from austin asking me if everything was all right because matt thinks hes annoying me but hes not im just pissed at jessica. and she was like AMBER IM ON MY WAY TO BRING YOU THE NOTES! i was like ok EXPECTING her to be here in like 15 minutes. well 9:30 roles around and shes still not here so i call her and shes like im just now on my way. i was like hey can i borrow ur study guide and shes lik eno i dont have it done yet. i wa slike ummmmmm OK!

i mean WTF she had my notes for WHAT.....6 HOURS! come on now i coul dhave gotten it done by then. so i had to stay up ALL HOURS OF THE FUCKING NIGHT! ugh geeze and she doesn't even realize what she did. im just like wow we are friends and you cant tell when im upset about something WOW....JUST WOW!

Mon, 10 May 2004 23:40:40 GMT

Well school is goin better....i will get really stressed and tided down with crap but then once i get everything out of the way im good. all my grades are goin up and im focusing NO MORE CHEATING FOR ME! except for tomorrow in my government class...HAHA i know i can get away with it in there. but yeah tomorrow i have a test in my earthscience class....YES thats the devil class..and then in my GOV class. all last week i went out. from 2 fridays ago until saturday iw as out everynight. i have things to get off my chest that i will say in my NEXT journal entry. i dont like making these things long.

Well this weekend was fun. i was out with jessica, austin, matt and jordan all this weekend. Friday we went to the movies and saw Mean girls...i got punched in the boob and smacked in the face by austin. but yeah i told him it was ok to punch me in the boob but the smack in the face was really unexpected. lets just say hes not gonna hesitate hitting a girl if you say its ok to. thats kinda sick. but friday went to the movies and then we all went back to matts apartment and we smoked some hooka and we made it REALLY cold. man that shit was ROUGH! and we watched Grind....they put it in ther efor me so i could see some titties!! WOOHOO! gawd boobs are nice!! then saturday me and jessica and austina and matt went and played basketball and then me and matt played the street racing gave and i kicked his ass like 2 times out of 5....YEAH BUDDY IM COOL! lol and then we went to jessicas house to go swimming and eat pizza at like 9 pm but we went to my house and stole the pizza in my frig...LOL wow we are really rebelious... and then we went to matts house and smoked some hooka and drank a little and watched resident evil until 1 pm..i swear ONE of these nights we will end up watching a movie all the way through...a week now and we haven't done it ONCE!

i just got jens graduation announcments and might i add shes looking ABSOLUTLY BEAUTIFUL! wowzers!!!!...THATS MY GIRL! lol anyways i should be sending out my announcements next week or so. so yeah gotta make sure i am graduating before i send those puppies out!!

FUCK EDUCATION

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 22:04:51 GMT

ugh today is a bad day. i dont feel good. i have had a headache for 2 days. my earth science teacher is a jack ass. had the worst day.

ok yesterday i got caught writing a cheat sheet for my vocab and my teacher caught me before i could use it. and im not gonna lie and deny that i was doin it so i put it away. well today we had a chapter test and i made a cheat sheet and i was using it for like 10 minutes into the test, and he comes to my desk and put a postet on my desk that says "Give me the paper on ur seat" so i did what he said not denying what i was doin. and after the bell rang he tells me that the office will be calling me up, and i was like umm im goin home i dont have a class next, and he was like well they are calling you up tomorrow or monday because im give you a Referal, because this is 2 days in a row that you have cheated and im like ooook. I just wanted to cry. Im a good kid i dont like to get into trouble. my record is clean. and MY GAWD im just tryin to pass highschool good grefff!!! this guy has no life.

What is it with teachers....do they just wake up morning and say "im gonna go to college to become a teacher to fail my students and cause them stress and ulcers and embarras them...YEAH thats what im gonna do" well thats sick pleasure....and i swear to gawd thats what my earth science teacher did when he decided to become a teacher. im sorry he didn't do the typical stereo type and say "oh im gonna teach kids to make a difference" FUCK THAT! hes to much of a asshole. Another thing. my cheat sheet was between my legs...so what was he doin looking between my legs. WHAT A SICK FUCK! im offended. serisously..yeah i cheated blah blah blah im just tryin to pass highschool. my gawd there isn't even 2 months left of highschool for me. and i have to the end with this stupid fuck that turns my good days in to horrible ones, and then gets my stomach problem WORSE! man i want him fired. shit if he wants to be paid 15 thousand dollars a year to have the sick pleasure and stressing out kids i will pay him that much to whipe my ass and kiss it because in 20 years im gonna have higher athority over his sorry ass!!!

WOW ADDICTION IS COOOOOOL!

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 23:24:48 GMT

You're addicted to.....

LSD!
Wow what you must go through every day. LSD gives
intense hallucinations and offen makes you
think you can do things that no human can. I
wouldn't try to pretend your a bird and play on
top of a tall building anytime soon.

What are you addicted to? (pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 15:02:02 GMT

My Celebrity Family by popstarprincess
Your Name
Mom	Meg Ryan
Dad	Chevy Chase
Brother	Jude Law
Sister	Jennifer Love Hewitt
Boyfriend	Justin Timberlake

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

HAHA!!! jen justin timberlake is MY boyfriend....HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

omg this is awesome!!!

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 14:58:28 GMT

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	The Armadillo
Super Power	Irresistable Sexuality
Enemy	The Landlord
Mode Of Transportation	Motorcycle
Weapon	Scissors

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

wow my power is irresistable sexuality......HAHA that amuses me in so many ways!!

pink power ranger is HOTT

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 22:41:15 GMT

Power Rangers Movie!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

WOW isn't this just weird...who would have thought!

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 21:01:28 GMT

Your Heart is Pink

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

GRANDPARENTS!!! grrrr

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 19:46:38 GMT

Ok so yeah i talk to jen on the phone EVERY day right. she makes me laugh NON stop. she makes the stress go away and that feels good because a lot of people and things cause it. well my grandparents.....GRANDMA especially has been having a problem with me being on the phone all the time. Yesterday i was on the phone with jen in the afternoon and my grandma walks in and i said "Hi Grandma" and she said "HI AMBER! Why dont you do something with ur life?" i said "excuse me?? I am im goin to college in the fall." and she said "No i mean right now." and then she walked away. i mean WTF BITCH! go the FUCK away i dont wanna hear ur opinion AT ALL! and then at night she was like "Amber i dont want you on the phone all night ok." i was like "Ok grandma" well my stomach was hurting soooo bad so i called jen so she could cheer me up and everything and my grandma STORMS into my room and starts yelling at me. and shes like "WHY DONT YOU BE FRIENDS WITH UR FAMILY! i was like OMFG!" shes like "ur room looks like CRAP!" i was like "you know what maybe i would be "friends" with my family, but see the difference between my FAMILY and my FRIENDS is that my FRIENDS dont talk about me behind my back or call my things crap" and shes like "well maybe you should get new friends" I was like whatever grandma i dont need you lecturing me about this crap. and i went back to sleep.

IM SOOOOO FUCKING GLAD IM MOVING AWAY FROM THIS BITCH! shes ALWAYS in my business and i HATE it with a fucking passion.

I took Vicadine yesterday.....that SHIT IS CRAZY! i have this other stuff thats stronger than vicadine and so when my grandma is bitchin at me im gonna take some so i wont give a shit and just be all loopy HAHAHA sounds like a plan to me. because shes a pain my my tooshy.

my HAIR!!! finally...

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 19:01:14 GMT

Ok well last night iw as suppost to go to michelles but she called and canceled at the last minute as usual...so i stayed home with my cousins....which i am GLAD i did. i LOVE it here. ok well my cousin danielles "husband" josh came over last night just to chill and meet her outher cousin jenay (sp?). well heather and danielle were telling me how jenay does hair and everything and i was like OMG i really need a trim. and they were like you should dye it to. and i as like OMG i have been wanting my hair dyed. so last night starting around 9 and finishing at 11:30 doin my hair i LOVE it. and i still have 130 dollars in my pocket. i was really REALLY nervous because i have goin to my same stylist for over 2 years now and she KNOWS myhair like the back of her hand. buyt my cousins told me to completely trust jenay. so i did but i was still nervous. but it came out good.

GAWD id ont wanna leave in 2 days!!! HELP ME!!
<3 Amber

some facts about me...

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 22:43:45 GMT

(x) been drunk.
( ) smoked pot.
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex.
(x) kissed a member of the same sex.
(x) kissed your best friend
( ) crashed a friend's car.
( ) been to japan.
( ) rode in a taxi.
( ) had anal sex.
(x) been in love.
(x) had sex.
(x) had sex in public.
(x) been dumped.
(x) shoplifted.
( ) been fired.
(x) been in a fist fight.
(x) had a threesome.
(x) snuck out of my parent's house.
( ) been tied up. (sexually)
(x) been caught masturbating.
(x) pissed on myself.
(x) had sex with a member of the same sex.
( ) been arrested.
(x) made out with a stranger.
(x) did other sexual acts with a stanger
( ) stole something from my job.
(ALMOST!) celebrated new years in time square.
(x) went on a blind date.
(x) lied to a friend.
(x) had a crush on a teacher.
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
( ) been to europe.
(x) skipped school.
( ) slept with a co-worker.
(x) cut myself on purpose.
( ) had sex at the office.
( ) been married.
( ) been divorced.
( ) had children.

wow that amusement lasted a WHOLE...um 10 seconds enjoy for another 10 seconds

the FUNNIETS quiz i have ever takin in my life

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 20:55:14 GMT

You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're
really cheesy! Have fun with the entire
football team.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHA im sooo amused youhave no idea WOOOOOO for soroity SLUTS! lets all go have a gang bang before the game! OW OW!

HAHA this is soooo true

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 20:27:00 GMT

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

family....

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 19:20:56 GMT

WEll its spring break and im in fountain hills... i love it here. everyone says its boring BLAH BLAH BLAH well i love it...its peacful. not having to deal with the city life and everything. thats all i have been around is city. if feels good to get out and away from my grandparents and brother. and DAMN i want my parents and my cousins parents to let me live here. im a lot happier here in arizona than virginia. i have a lot of things that id ont want to lose at this point in my life and i dont wanna start over in VA im to old to do that. geeze no one understands. grrrr. but even though im just relaxing at my cousins house this is a WELL worth spring break.

pics of me

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 01:57:10 GMT

another test

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 21:10:37 GMT

test pictures

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 21:09:08 GMT

Ponders.....

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 23:51:45 GMT

ok well im bisexual and my brother is gay...my brother is out with my family, well MOST of them. and im not out to my parents or family about my bisexuality. Me and my bro live with out grandparents. well one night i asked my grandma about how she felt towards gays and lesbians. She told me that she had no problem with it and that she believes that they wont go to hell because when you are gay or lez you dont have a choice, butshe feels totally different about bisexuals, she believes that bisexuals will go to hell because WE have a choice to like the same sex or the opposite sex. im sorry its the same thing i think we cant help it if we are attracted to the same sex....well i cant help it anyways.

Katie Webber

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 03:09:17 GMT

WEll DAMN! i just watched american idol and i gotta say DAMN! to katie webber....beautiful voice and HOTT! she got my vote. i hope she makes it to the final round...SHE BETTER GAWD DAMN IT! or america doesn't know talent. and yeah i want her hair NOT her hair cut but the color....so maybe i will go that instead of my blackness...i gotta keep my blonde...peace out

<3Amber

MY HAIR!

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 18:16:29 GMT

ok well i wanna get my hair trimmed and then dye it black and get bleach blonde thick highlights with it. its gonna look sexy! well last night i had a dream that i got it done and DAMN was it hott. everyone acted like it was natural it was sooo tight....now this dream makes me wanna do it even more THANKS DREAM!

Mind your own Business

Sun, 01 Feb 2004 22:50:58 GMT

i hate it when you tell someone something about your personal life and then they think that they have the authority to tell you what to do. i mean i cheerish peoples opinion but there is just a point wher eyou need to stop. and then they make you feel like shit. makes me not like that person as much. if you dont agree with my life or things that im doin you just need to step away because eventually im just gonna stop tellingyou things and leave. people have no respect. and i hate it when you have a different taste in something or someone and people tell you its wrong and that you shouldn't like it...i mean WTF people have different tastes and opinions in things. i mean seriously mind your own business. grrrrr i need to get this frusteration out.

Class

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 21:11:37 GMT

i was sitting my senior lit class today and we are reading this really surreal story about this guy that turns into a beatle. its really weird, and its really comfusing its hard to make things out...but its about a guy thats lonely. And it just hit me that we are ALL alone. i mean its its crazy to think how many people day in and day out and worry about who their soul mate is goin to be and if they are actually gonna keep the one they have. its stupid i mean look at ourself.....we think that we have to have someone to be happy. i mean yes to an extent it makes us happy. but you gotta make yourself happy before you can truely be happy. i mean its crazy when people get soooo dependent on their partner. i mean its flattering but it can also cause MAJOR amounts of stress....i will admit i was once dependent on the LOVE of my life. i mean i could NEVER get enough of her NEVER...never got mad never nothing just completely head over heals and blind with love. but i am getting off track...in this story its about how people are lonely. well most people are lonely is because OTHER people put labels on those individuals. it sickens me, and yes everyone has put a label on someone in their life. it just makes me sick to see it every day. we were sitting in class takin a quiz on the story and my senior lit teacher asked us to write 5 qualities or ANY 5 reasons why people would judge another person. and we wrote down the list together in class and it was just AMAZING how many characteristics or WHATEVER someone might have to cause another person to not like them. it just made me not wanna be a human being. i hate judging people but its also human nature to. everyone should just except people for who they are. i mean seriously we all need to grow up.

STRESS!

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 20:31:19 GMT

People have no idea the amount of stress and frusteration they put on people. I'm sitting here listening to harmless music and typing away at my journal....but what people dont know is that my grandpa is stressing me out about responsiblity telling me that i should this and this and that this certain way isn't right....WELL LET ME FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN!!!! DAMN! i know what has to be done just let me work at my own pace...and believe it or not i work better understress....LOL go figure.... stress is one of my personal worst enemies...well i guess what society says that enemies can be your best friend sometimes......FRIENDS cause a lot of stress on me....im a person that has to make other people happy before my happiness is filled. but sometimes i just snap.....no on gets me well the one person that was the closest to getting me was my ex gf.....im still catching myself sayin things to her that i shouldn't....i think losing the love of your life is probably the worst stress you can put on yourself.......i mean come on you have the stress of thinking to yourself. I am ever gonna find someone like that person again?, or was she lying to me the whole time?, or does she still have feelings for me because i still have feelings for her?, i mean its endless. i hate it..........because of stress im not happy with life anymore. im not happy with myself or anything. I dont wanna be around my family anymore because the bring on a lot of stress and not even meaning to......i mean like they ask me where am i goin to college, how am i gonna pay for it, are my parents supporting me (HELL they only support me if i go where they wanna go), WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO AMBER!! i mean GAWD if i had all the FUCKING answers then i wouldn't be stuck in the stressful mess. And yes i know i need to decide where i need to go but i feel lik ei belong here in arizona...im already accepted into my Graphic Design school and they have housing there..im mean WHAT THE FUCK! its like my family doesn't see me tryin all they see is failure and how to do everything THEIR way...im sick and tired of this bullshit. im sick and tired of getting so close to seeing my future that it gets crushed EVERYTIME i talk to my parents or anything. its like im not good enough for anyone...not even myself. Its like im brain washed or something. GAWD SOMEONE HELP ME SMACK SOME SENSE INTO PEOPLE.....ESPECIALLY my parents...I wish i could go back to my childhood when the only stress i knew was if i put my underwear on straight or my shoes were on the right feet, and getting cuts and bruises from the monkey bars in the backyard..

laters.....